The Kitchen Idiot - Move No 1...
Now that some friends have made some comments that will leave others guessing, I guess it’s time I post the bad with the good, admitting that there are times I’m oblivious to logic. From time to time, I am the kitchen idiot…
It was 1991 and my friend Andy was at the apartment. I had just, quite proudly, used my new food dehydrator to suck pineapple, apple and watermelon dry. It was all quite tasty and I was pondering what I should try next. We couldn’t afford top cuts of beef, so beef jerky was out, but Andy had an interesting idea.
“I think you should make Gummy Bears.”
These tidbits were still a bit new back then, and pricey. So Mike (my live-in), Andy and I spent some time perusing the unit’s manual, and while there was a recipe for the equivalent of a Fruit Rollup, there was nothing remotely close to making the gummy concoction. Andy was certain though that it was made from Jello, and I believed him.
That evening I made strawberry Jello, and the next day I meticulously cubed it and placed it on the trays. I plugged in the unit, and since most things took 8-10 hour or longer to dehydrate, left the apartment.
The three of us returned late afternoon to find quite a mess. There was a pool of red, sticky liquid on the table, and having run out of room there, it trailed its way down the table leg, and onto the carpet.
Andy could do nothing but laugh hysterically as I frantically tried to clean up the mess, still wondering why his brilliant notion hadn’t really worked. I became quite angry to find that he wasn’t serious about the Jello factor at all, and when I asked (well, I probably screamed) why he didn’t laugh as if it were a joke when he said it, he replied that he didn’t think I was stupid enough to try it.
Poor Mike, my boyfriend at the time, had to teeter the fence because he felt bad for me, but still thought it to be a mistake only an idiot would make. After all, Jello is made by adding hot water, which dissolved the gelatin. The readdition of heat surely would just melt it all down.
It took me a while to calm down. Though I knew instantly I had become the kitchen idiot, I still portrayed myself as the one who knew what she was doing. I acted as if the decision to put, essentially gelled water, in a food dehydrator was a smart move - one of those trial tests only the daring, yet intelligent, would carry out.
The melted Jello had adhered to the dark, golden brown (and orange) carpet, leaving a hard, sticky glob I never could get out. We wound up rearranging the furniture.
I’d forgotten about this embarrassing event for some time, but a while back I recalled it, and was twice as embarrassed telling another friend about it. I quickly threw it back out of my mind, hoping to never recall the scenario again.
Andy will never let me forget though. After all, he takes pride in his work of quiet, subliminal coercion.
Posted
Thursday, January 11th, 2007 at 5:52 pm EST
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